Watch Your Language! Six Common Inner Critic Phrases
How Simple Word Swaps Significantly Shift Your Energy & Inner Critic
Without exception, every coaching client and I begin our work together by understanding what their inner critic sounds like, so we can then reduce any self-sabotage and help them get out of their own way. The inner critic is the term for that voice we hear that is self-critical and negative; that puts extra pressure on ourselves to perform in a certain way; that compares ourselves to others; that tells us we’re stuck or constantly need to do better or perfectly. We’ve all got one! Just some are louder than others’.
For many of us, the inner critic has run the show for years, and it takes time to rewire our brains. However, it is possible to quiet the voice and get back to a compassionate view of yourself. First by recognizing what it sounds like, and then by transforming the inner critic into your ally, learning how to reframe and move forward even when things are tough.
Analyzing language use, spoken or internal dialogue, is one of the major ways we identify when the inner critic is being loud and taking charge. I encourage you to start to evaluate your own thoughts and recurring statements against the six most common inner critic phrases. It’s only once you hear it as “not you” that you can separate yourself from the voice and start reframing.
Six Common Inner Critic Phrases
1. Any have to, need to or should do” as it creates undue pressure and “points/wags the finger” at self that no one likes. Replace with want to, choose to, or must do.
“I have to get all of these things done for work and what I should really be doing is spending time with kids.”
“I should be 40 pounds lighter and should be going to the gym.”
2. Any version of “not enoughness”
"I’m not a good enough listener."
"I don’t have enough skills, education, certifications, etc."
"I don’t know enough."
3. Comparison to someone else; to someone more experienced than you.
“I don’t have an advanced degree.”
“What do I have to add of value?”
“Why should they listen to me?”
“Don’t be so insecure, other people are confident and relaxed...just look at him/her....”
“I love coaching and I feel like it’s what I am meant to do...But I don’t have what that takes."
"People who start businesses need much more experience.”
4. A stuck and repetitive voice. No real action is inspired by it. The result is shutting down forward movement rather than opening up possibility and problem-solving.
“After I finish my coursework, I really need to work on my business.”
“If I don’t start working out and losing weight, I’ll always be unattractive.”
“I’m a total failure.”
5. Global statements about being stuck.
“My career isn’t going anywhere, and there is no where for it to go”
“I’m at a complete plateau.”
“I’ll never get ahead.”
After it criticizes, or plays out the worst case scenario, it follows up with lines like,
“Get a grip. Get some perspective.”
6. Protective thoughts that are designed to keep you safe and avoid failure. These thoughts could be filled with fear, doubt, or uncertainty. In general, the more important something is to you, the louder the inner critic will be!
“I’d better just keep doing what I’m doing.”
“If they don’t like my idea, they might think I’m stupid and I could lose my job. I better stay quiet.”